Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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