she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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