I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
