I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
