She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
