were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
