I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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