my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
