i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
