My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
just tell him i said nine months
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
