You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
