Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
