dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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