i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
