and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
