as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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