This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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