we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
