woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
