can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
