you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I touched a dick in church today
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
