Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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