You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
