no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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