I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
