I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
