he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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