oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
