i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
