Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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