Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
