smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
