my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
