The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
