Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
