Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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