dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i came on her dog
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So squirting runs in the family.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
