sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
