just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
