worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
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I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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