I just saw a hot homeless man
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
