I will die if light touches me.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
