i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
