Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
