he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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