it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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