I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
