I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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