wrigley field is MILF paradise
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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