Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
