dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
