Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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