I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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