He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
