im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
home. puking in laundry basket.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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