There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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