end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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