Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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