he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
they're like a gay fantastic four
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
