and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just high enough for therapy.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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