1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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