He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
