Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
