i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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