Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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