He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
