one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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