I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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