I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
