Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
