Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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