my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
