Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
