I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
